english söndag, Feb 24 2008 

Thinking about starting to write in English sometimes in this blog. Just for the fact that I got a comment from someone that didn’t understand a word I wrote but liked the video in the post. And I like writing in english sometimes.

So what do you think? yes or no?

My lip is bleeding again. :(

textbit tisdag, Okt 3 2006 

 från X3M

”But she needs to get to a hospital.” He looked at rest of the group. All of them looked pretty tired and probably hoping to get home soon. A couple of minutes ago everyone of them were full of energy, where did all that energy disappear? Even he was tired but he knew that someone had to take the little girl, and now that he had the little girl in his arms he didn’t feel like giving her away before he knew that she was going to be okay.

I’m not gonna tell anything about that yet.

…………………………….. tisdag, Sep 12 2006 

 från X3M

I’m really really scared.

Blanket Friends måndag, Jul 31 2006 

 från X3M

And the first chapter is done and can be read in the LJ.

Nothing more today.

I reached my goal. \o/

These precious words lördag, Jul 29 2006 

 från X3M

Title: These precious words
Author: Izme
Rating: I don’t know
Genre: romance, a bit fluff I think.
Pairing: Shin/someone
Summary: The hard words.
Beta: Nelle (loveyouloveyou)
Disclaimer: I don’t own Shinya, sadly ;)
A/N: kort men skit i det.

These precious words

I never really understood your words, even though they were the most beautiful words I had ever heard. For me it wasn’t words, it was something more, more beautiful. More important. A promise after another. More words. I believed every whisper every sound that your mouth gave me. I believed them because I needed something to hold on in this world when everything else was crumbling apart. You gave me a shelter for the night. A hiding place, where I could be myself. Not need to act anything different. There in your home, in your arms I could relax, let down my guard and just breath for awhile even though that was hard with you there. You made me breathless everytime you entered the room. You made the room glow in a special way, a light that was meant only for my eyes to see.
From the day you kissed me lightly on the lips I knew that I was meant for you, and you were the one for me. Never ever have I thought differently. Your mouth made my insides jump and make cartwheels at the same time. Your soft lips tasted like heaven when they made contact with mine. The sweet taste that I miss all of the time when you’re not on my side.
I couldn’t believe that you really were there and were not going anywhere. I was not just one of the others. I was something special in your eyes too. Everytime you didn’t call and told me were you were I got scared. Was this the end?
But it never was. You always came back to me.
Your eyes were like stars. Shining like stars do in the night. If one could drown in someones eyes I would have drowned in yours.
The smile you gave me made me melt on the spot. I felt like I couldn’t move, and you always had to take the steps towards me. At that time you always gave me a light kiss right on the lips and that just made me, the wet pile on the floor disappear, vanish into the air.
The sweet words you whispered in my ear when I was about to fall asleep with your arms around me and you breathing in my neck. I could feel your warm body against mine, making me warm and fussy inside. All I did was feel, no words needed and they would probably just have ruined the moment.
Sometimes I did make a little sound just to hear you ask.
”What is it Shin?” Always the same words and tone. A little concerned but just a little. I could feel you move up a bit from the matress probably leaning on your elbow. Your eyes were locked on me and could almost feel them in my neck. I smiled a bit but didn’t open my eyes. I let you look at me with a question written all over your face. Every time it was the same thing, you never stopped asking.
”I just wanted to hear you voice.”I heard you laugh a bit and relax again. You kissed my neck for a few minutes and made me all warm inside once again. That was your talent. You always knew what buttons, and where they were, to push. Your hands and fingers traced my body with care, gently like you were scared of scareing me away. I wanted to tell you that you could not do that, but I never found the right words to use. And the fear of using the wrong words made me silent. I chose to keep them to myself.
You kept on kissing me until you reached my lips, and of course did not stop there, but you took a small pause when you just looked into my eyes, with a small smile on your lips. I made eyecontact with you for the first time in many minutes. You touched my chin with your soft fingers and made me shiver.
”Are you cold?” Your voice was just a whisper not to break the moment. The perfect moment.
I shook my head a bit. The truth was that I was burning up more then freezing. Once again I had a hard time to breathe, to get air into my lugns.
Then you kissed me and I thought I was going to faint for loss of oxygen. I felt like I was about to die any second but still I felt more alive then ever.
Your lips left mine when we both needed air too much to continue. A smile formed on your beautiful face. I wanted to remember that moment forever, never forget.
I smiled lightly and touched your face and you took my hand and kissed it gently.
”I love you, Shin.”
My heart stopped beating and I couldn’t breathe. I knew what you wanted me to say and you also knew that I had a hard time saying it. Never had I told another person that I loved him or her. My family of course but besides them, never. I could feel tears in my eyes and I looked away from your eyes so that you wouldn’t see them.
I heard you sigh and I knew that you were sad. Disappointed. Without a word you left the room.
Now I could feel tears running down my cheeks. I did love you more then anything. Didn’t you know that?
Why couldn’t I say the words?
How hard can it be to say three words?
I love you.

always. lördag, Jul 29 2006 

 från X3M

I never really understood your words, even though they were the most beautiful words I had ever heard. For me it wasn’t words, it was something more, more beautiful. More important. A promise after another. More words. I believed every whispear every sound that your mouth gave me.

And again a new thing started. Damn.

But I think it’s beautiful.

for you. fredag, Maj 26 2006 

 från X3M

I love U! I really, really do!

You’re always there for me. And I know I can trust you. I can tell you everything.

Thank you.

I miss you so much.

(you know who you are)

———————————–

nu till pappa. Ses på söndagen. *vinka*

English story. fredag, Maj 5 2006 

orginalet hittas här.
Jag lovade sätta ut denna så varsågoda. Antagligen så läser ingen eftersom den är lång. Jag har inte haft någon att läsa den för korrektur så vissa fel kan finnas. Men ändå.

Kiss me, Kill me, Love me.

Small rain drops hit the window and make a small that I listened closely to. I didn’t know why I just sat there in front of the window and looked out at the empty street. There was nothing to look at, no people, nothing.
Maybe it was the emptiness that drawed my attention. Could that be the reason I sat there?
It started to get dark. People started to put their lights on.
I liked the dark. There was calmness in the dark that you could not find anywhere else. And it’s a place to hide in. Hide your own feelings.
Crazy, maybe, but that’s just how I felt. I needed the darkness. I would be lost without it. But I needed the light too. There wouldn’t exist darkness without light.
Lonelyness, why does that exist? Who needs it anyway? It’s the longing for someone. The waiting…
I sighed. I couldn’t understand the world. I just wanted to forget everything. Stop thinking. Stop feeling…
My phone started ringing. I sighed again and looked at it. Slowly I made my way to it.
Hana.
Why was she calling me? Why wasn’t she home yet?
I let it ring even though something inside of me wanted me to answer it. I didn’t want to hear her excuses for not being here.
I sat down on the bed and started looking at the door hopeing that she would come running through it, trying to find words. She didn’t.
I heard footsteps from the other side of the door. A part of me started hopeing again that it would be her.
“Lil!”
I stared down at the floor when Alex opened the door.
Disappointed.
He just looked at me for a while. Don’t look up. Don’t look up. I looked up and noticed that he had a phone in his hand.
“It’s Hana. She wants to talk to you.”
He put the phone on the bed beside me and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with the phone. I stared at the phone for some seconds. Guess I had to take it.
I took the phone but didn’t make any sound. Hana was on the other end, that I knew. I could hear her breathing. That small sound made me calm. The knowledge of her there made me calm down and forget my disappointment on her not being here.
“Lil?”
I bit my lip so that I wouldn’t answer her. The sound of her voice woke up the longing feeling inside of me. The longing for her. I wont answer. No.
I made a small sound to let her know that I was there.
“Why didn’t you answer your phone?”
She went right to the point. No, small talk. No, I’m sorry I’m not there. No, I miss you.
“I didn’t hear it.”
Hana knew I was lying. I never did leave my phone anywhere. I always had it with me.
She didn’t comment on my lie. I could just hear her breathing again. I sighed. Soon she was going to say it. Say that she was going to stay at a friends house or at her parents.
Typical.
“Lilith. I just wanted you to know…” Now she was going to say it. I was right. I knew it.
“…that I’m on my way.”

What?! This was not right! This was not in the script! I couldn’t find any words. I was in chock. I couldn’t believe what I just had heard. Was I dreaming? Had I fallen asleep during the time I sat in front of the window?

I couldn’t find any words. I was in chock. I couldn’t believe what I just had heard. Was I dreaming? Had I fallen asleep during the time I sat in front of the window?

“ I’ll be there soon. Bye.”
A small sound told me that she was not there anymore.
She was coming home.
Now I started hearing the voices from the other room. The living room.
The party. My party. Should I go and be the Birthday girl?
Slowly I stood up and made my way towards the door with the phone in my hand. I opened the door and could see all of my friends standing in the room, talking and laughing. Having fun.
“Is she coming?” Alex asked when he noticed me.
I just nodded. My words were lost and I couldn’t find them.
She was coming. She had always missed my birthday, but now she was coming.
I sat down on the sofa and someone gave me a drink. Probably some alcohol. Defiantly alcohol. I drank it and asked someone to give me more. Alex looked at me with concern. He knew what could happen if I got to much alcohol. He has seen it .
I didn’t care about him. I needed a drink.
The doorbell rang after a while and of course everyone was waiting for me to go and open. I wanted to scream that I wasn’t five years old, but I didn’t. The doorbell sounded again and I stood up.
I made my way to the front door and opened it.
Hana.
She stood there in front of me smiling brightly. I had to look like a fish.
“Happy birthday.” She hugged me quickly and I took a step back to let her in.
I had almost forgot that she was coming. My feelings were having war with each other and I couldn’t make any sense out of them.
For a while I just stood there looking at her. She was so beautiful. An angel on earth.
“Lil? Are you okay?”
I could see the concern in her eyes.
I nodded and smiled to tell her yes. Maybe I was lying a bit but I just didn’t want to see her so concerned. I wanted her to be happy and smile.
She made her way to the living room where everyone were waiting to know who had come. I didn’t follow her, not right then anyway. I just stood there and starred after her. I was happy. I should have been that. Why did something feel so wrong? Everything was perfect.
I shook my head and followed Hana to the living room where she was standing and talking to Alex. I felt a weird feeling ran through my body and mind. Jealous. Shame on me.
There was no reason for me to be jealous. I knew that. But still…
Hana was looking at me and I met her gaze. She made her way through the room towards me. I got the want to run away. Hide. But it was like I were glued to the floor. I couldn’t move. The feeling of something being wrong came back. I couldn’t breath.
“Lil. We need to talk.”
She took my hand and lead me to the room where I had been sitting. Hana closed the door behind us. I was biting my lip. Let us say that it’s a bad habit I can’t get rid of.
“I have something important to tell you, but first…”
She put a hand on my shoulder and kissed me on the lips. A sweet taste filled my mouth . I kissed her back. This was real. I put my arms around her and pulled her against myself.

Kiss me.

She pulled away.
Wrong.
“Sit down.” She sounded serious.
I sat down on the bed and looked at her. She wasn’t looking at me. She was looking at everything else. Something was wrong.
“I’ve been offered a job…”
Now she looked at me.
“That’s great.” I thought that was what she wanted me to say.
She nodded. “It’s a really great job..” She started biting on her lip. She swallowed.
“It’s in Paris.”
I starred at her. She couldn’t be serious. I couldn’t breath again. There was something blocking the way.
“No.” I looked down at the floor. “No.”
I wanted to hear her say that she was not going to take the job, but inside I knew that she was not going to say it. She wouldn’t have told me if that was the case.
Wrong.
I couldn’t stay there so I stood up, took my phone and the car keys.
Hana screamed after me but I didn’t stop. I ran out and in to the car. The car started and I backed it out of the driveway.
I didn’t know where I was going just that I couldn’t stay there.
Tears ran down my cheeks and I did nothing to stop them.
Hana was going to move to Paris. No.
She was calling me but I didn’t answer. There was nothing she could say that would make it different or better.
Alex. Hana. Alex. Hana and someone else from the party.
I didn’t answer.

Kill me.

Where was I?
Was I dead? No I wasn’t, I could feel pain and hear someone talking far away. I didn’t open my eyes. I didn’t have the strength for that.
Weak.
I could feel someone take my hand. A soft hand.
“Lil. If you can hear me. I’m sorry.”
Hana. I could hear that she was crying. I wanted to cry.
“Please Lil. Wake up.”

No. I want todie.

Slowly I opened my eyes. Hana was now looking at the floor. She was tired. I could see that.
“Hana.”
She jumped.
“Lil. Thank God!” She hugged me and almost killed me at the same time. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”
I smiled tiredly. “No, it’s mine.”
Hana looked at me.
“I should have stopped you. You didn’t let me finish. I want you with me. I can’t live without you. I almost lost you and for the second I thought I had, I couldn’t breath.”
I starred at her. She wanted me with her to Paris.
“I love you, Hana.”
“I love you, Lil.”

Love me.

You don’t die from a broken heart. Romeo and Juliet were wrong. tisdag, Jul 5 2005 

 från X3M

Well it’s true. I think that everyone knows that.
Even though it feels like that when everything is falling apart. You don’t die.
You cry and cry and cry. Because it hurts and hurts and hurts.
You’re heart hurts. It’s bleeding. A big cut.
Or so it feels like.
But it’s not deadly.
You can move on, even though it feels like the end of the world.
Think about all the good you have in life.
Your friends, family.
They need you. And they can help you heel your heart.
Don’t give up.
Life is worth living.
Don’t let some stupid person say otherwise.
Your friends love you and they want to help.
You just have to take the first step.

[Humör:   Snäll ]

See the true me. söndag, Jun 5 2005 

 från X3M

If you see the hate in me, you have to even see the love in me.
Look behind the face and see the true me, that no book can ever tell you.
Don’t ever judge me by the first impression.

[Humör:   Trevlig ]

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